This whole kerfuffle over the ‘Mother & Baby’ magazine pro-formula/anti-breastfeeding article has got me thinking. For me, I always knew I wanted to breastfeed and would have been devastated if I had had to give up early. When I was pregnant with Twink I didn’t know anyone who had breastfed past six weeks, but I was determined to give it my best shot. And I can be very VERY stubborn.
My experience, however, has been very different from most of my friends (as I mentioned in this post). The difference between my experience and others has made me look at things differently…the way breastfeeding and formula feeding are portrayed in our society has a dramatic effect on how individual mums find starting breastfeeding, as well as affecting the bigger picture, of how much funding breastfeeding support gets from the government. It turns out that although the government, and the NHS pay lip service to encouraging breastfeeding, in many cases, that’s all it is. Lip service. I know a hospital midwife (as a friend, so completely off the record) who admitted that while the paediatricians say they encourage breastfeeding in general, in actual fact they encourage individual mums to stop if their babies have had to be admitted. Why? For the simple reason that it’s easier for the doctors, as they can quantify how much the baby is getting and it is easier to keep the baby on a schedule. I even found the NCT advice a bit off putting as our antenatal class teacher stressed so many times that ‘breastfeeding is a skill and takes hard work and practice’.
Nonetheless, on a personal level, I feel very strongly that individual mothers should have the choice to feed their baby as they wish. It is their body; their baby; their choice. But that decision is made in the context of a society that makes things harder for them to breastfeed. A society that doesn’t offer every mother the support she needs. A society that is happy to gawp at page three models, but doesn’t know where to look when a mum is breastfeeding near them.
I have no problem with the article itself as it is purely a piece of opinion, and as such, I feel sad, and a bit amused at some of her comments (‘funbags’?? Seriously?? Who calls them that?!!). However, I do feel that the magazine should have had some blurb on the page clarifying some of her opinions, so their readers were aware they aren’t true. You don’t have to abstain from alcohol completely when you’re breastfeeding, and it’s pregnancy that wreaks havoc on your body…if anything, breastfeeding helps you lose the weight. It worries me that someone might read that article and take it as gospel just because it was written by the deputy editor of a parenting magazine.
Obviously I’m approaching this as a ‘pro-breastfeeder’, whatever that means. One of my labels is that I’m a tandem breastfeeding mum, which as far as many are concerned puts me in the extreme category, especially as my eldest is nearly 26 months old (as mentioned before, I hate those labels and the way they put barriers between mums). How did that happen? I’m not sure. If I’m honest, I never had that ‘I’ll just get to 6 weeks/6 months/a year and see what happens’ mentality. The WHO guidelines recommend feeding till at least 2 years, so deep down, that was what I had in mind, but I still intend to carry on until he’s ready to stop. And after the tantrums he’s been throwing this week, I’m quite glad I still have the ability to calm him with a quick nurse.
That said, I fully expected him to wean himself while I was pregnant. There were points in my pregnancy when I really struggled with breastfeeding him. It never got to the point where it would have been easier to wean him, but that’s not to say it was easy. I got a pretty bad case of nursing aversion, starting with the night feeds when I was about 8 weeks pregnant and Twink was about 14 months. We night weaned abruptly after a night where I spent 2 hours crying as Twink tried to feed to sleep, but couldn’t as I was keeping him awake. He wasn’t bothered at all as long as Daddy dealt with all the night wakings. A month or two later the day time feeds had to be dramatically reduced to two feeds a day, which was the level I could cope with. It all got much easier again once Squishy arrived!
People do look askance when they realise I still feed Twink, and I do feel judged, and it does upset me, so I’d certainly hate for a formula feeding mummy to feel similarly judged. We’re all doing the best we know how, but I do wish society would start being more positive about breastfeeding in a real, substantial way. It’s been articulated in a much better way than I ever could over at PhD in Parenting. On a more personal note, I have decided I am not going to be making my life any harder than it already is (we’re deep in teeth/developmental/who knows what tantrum territory), so if Twink needs breastfeeding and I am able to, I will be nursing him. So far this week I have fed him at a friend’s house (although if I’d done it 15 minutes earlier, we would have avoided the lips turning blue with screaming rage tantrum) and just before his swimming lesson (which was more for my benefit as I should have fed Squishy before I went in, but she was asleep in the sling on her daddy by that point). So, if you see me out and about, and I’m feeding a toddler, judge me if you want, but believe me, it’s preferable to the screaming, toddler foot stamping alternative.
PS. Sorry for no pictures…wordpress is still not letting me upload pictures, which is why I’m behind on my Squishy photos. It’ll be fixed soon, I hope!
Great post and well done you for breast feeding for so long! I have 2 children, now 5 and nearly 3 and I intended to beast feed both of them. My daughter, the eldest, I fed exclusively until she was 4 months old then introduced a bottle and I stopped feeding her when she was 7 months. I hoped my next baby would be a similar experience but as he was very hungry I gave him a bottle at 8 weeks, thinking it would accompany breast feeding, but he preferred the bottle and my milk wasn’t enough so I ended up stopping.
I think its an amazing experience and important for bonding, I can’t imagine not trying to breast feed! Personally I don’t understand mums who decide pre birth that they’re going o put baby straight onto bottle without even trying breast feeding, there are so many advantages! And in my view an extension of the nurturing you’ve just spent 9 months doing. But thats just me, I can also appreciate that some people might be funny bout the thought of feeding, and that the father can have more involvement if you bottle feed.
I get quite cross when I hear of people saying that the’d been asked to leave places because they want to breastfeed, I just think its awful! One of the most natural things and you’re not allowed!? Pfft! Like you say, you can have nude women on the front of magazines in a newsagent but you can’t feed your baby? What a load of tosh. Another thing that irks me is when places have feeding rooms that are filthy and aren’t kept clean, I’d rather sit on a bench outside!
I’ve a friend who fed her LO until he was 2 I think and if ever I mentioned that to other people they’d say ‘oh god I couldn’t do that’ or ‘oh no thats too old’ or just pull a face that I wanted to wipe off their face!! I know its not for everyone but its all down to personal preference, you know what is right for your children so well done you
I breastfed my first exclusively for the first 6 months despite being whisked off into hospital when my boy was just 3 months old, for major surgery. I was away from him for 4 nights but I managed to keep the breastfeeding going with the help of a breastpump, a freezer, a sympathetic husband and a lot of determination. So if I could manage that, why do some people say they just couldn’t do it? I often think it’s a bit of an excuse, but if they hadn’t set their heart or mind on doing it in the first place then why should they put themselves through the pain and effort? But like you, I’m stubborn. And although I told people I wanted to breastfeed but I’d just ‘see how things go’ (why have other people thinking you’ve given up or failed as well as yourself?), I knew I really wanted to do it. So I worked hard at it.
I’ve read a bit about the Mother & Baby article today (but not the actual article) and am inclined to agree with you that it’s not as bad as some are making out. After all, it is someone’s own opinion and I’d never try to convince someone to breastfeed if they’d already decided against it. But the article could have been better balanced with a second story on the benefits of breastfeeding and the positive experiences many have.
Thanks
I really must just look too intimidating, as no one has ever come close to telling me Twink is too old…although my bff’s mum can’t really cope with the idea that I fed through pregnancy and am still feeding him. I think she thinks he still feeds like a newborn…anyway, all she does is shake her head & laugh at me!!
Wow…well done you for keeping going when you had to go into hospital…pumping can be such hard work. Even now, I pump when Twink misses his morning or evening feeds (on nursery mornings, or when DH does bedtime), & I only get about 3 oz
So having enough for an evening can take a while, let alone 4 days!
Hello
I followed your weblink from the BLW forum.
I’m a muslim and it’s actually a part of the Islamic religion to try to breastfeed our babies for at least 2 years! So I’ve met lots of ladies who still breastfeed their toddlers, and it’s not seen as something weird. I was pregnant again a couple of months ago (ended in early miscarriage unfortunately) and I intended to continue breastfeeding for as long as DD wanted it, even though my husband’s parents were quite against the idea…
I very much admire anyone who tandem-feeds! But did you find it difficult at the beginning when your Squishy was newborn?
As far as I’m concerned, I try to follow what seems natural. It seems a natural thing to carry on breastfeeding for as long as your baby seems to need it. In your case, if it calms Twink down when he’s tantruming, then it’s got to be something good for him.
It must be amazing to know so many other mums breastfeeding toddlers! Although I now know lots who have nursed toddlers, I didn’t know them at the time, so I’m still the only person I know (in real life) currently nursing a 2 year old.
I actually found it harder during pregnancy….hormones doing strange things to my head, making it feel weird to be feeding him. I had to keep myself distracted! Once Squish was born, feeding Twink felt normal again, although we did have to literally tandem feed a few times in the first few weeks which did make me feel a bit tetchy & impatient. But fitting in an extra 2 or 3 toddler feeds doesn’t seem that hard when you’re already feeding a newborn so much!